


on each other's team

by gloomyfruit



Series: my heart for you [2]
Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, F/F, First Dates, Future Fic, soft.... gay....... girls...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-11-28 23:26:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18215093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gloomyfruit/pseuds/gloomyfruit
Summary: Juhyun is still taking care of her, even now. Seulgi wonders if she can ever pay it back.





	on each other's team

It was awkward, transitioning from _Red Velvet Seulgi_ to _Kang Seulgi_ , overriding years of repetition and habit.

She messaged the other members about it at the beginning, got laughter and commiseration. Sooyoung had shared, embarrassed, how she’d just stared without responding when a radio host called her _Sooyoung-ssi_ instead of _Joy_. It made Seulgi feel better about the months she spent conditioning herself not to shout _Happiness!_ every time she introduced herself.

That was when they first started promoting separately, when it was still new and strange. But even now, years later, when she goes home to an empty apartment it feels like she’s in somebody else’s home.

It’s not that she’s romanticizing it. Most of the time they’d been miserable, tired and starved and living on top of each other. They fought over the bathroom constantly, and the shower drain was always getting clogged. Seulgi remembers begging all of the managers in turn to fix it so she wouldn’t have to. She’d been so excited at the idea of living on her own, back then. At the idea of living in a place where she didn’t have to label all her underwear, or risk losing it forever every time she did her laundry.

When they’d still been together Seulgi had thought about the freedom of living alone, of promoting alone. Of deciding what she wanted to do, and when she wanted to do it. It scared her even then, thinking about what she’d do when she couldn’t be an idol anymore.

Seulgi had worried about fading away. She’d worried that she wouldn’t be able to dance anymore, or that she’d end up failing as a singer. But she never thought to worry that maybe she’d end up lonely.

 

 

_then_

 

 

The plane is quiet. Seungwan disappeared to the back to make a call just after takeoff, and Seulgi hasn’t seen her since: she’s either having a very long, very private conversation, or she fell asleep back there before she could make it back to her usual seat.

Sooyoung is asleep a few rows up from where Seulgi’s sitting, snoring softly every once in a while. Yerim is curled up across the row, deeply immersed in something on her phone, screen lighting up her face.

Seulgi’s sitting right in the middle of the plane, which is normal. Juhyun’s sitting next to her, which is not.

Seulgi’s wary of asking Juhyun what’s up, in case there’s something really wrong and Juhyun wants to, like. Talk about it. Seulgi is honestly too tired to have any type of real conversation right now.

Still. She wants to be supportive, and she also wants to be comfortable, so she shifts in her seat, leaning over until her head is resting on Juhyun’s shoulder. Reaches over to grab Juhyun’s hand for good measure.

“Do you think Yerim’s okay?” Juhyun asks, after a few minutes like that, silent and still. Seulgi’s eyes flick up to see if Yerim heard her name, but the sounds of the plane have muffled Juhyun’s words so it’s just the two of them, their row a little bubble of privacy.

Yerim had been upset earlier, snapping when Sooyoung teased her and then tearing up afterward while she got her makeup done. Seulgi thinks she read something online, probably. She’d just shrugged when Juhyun asked, uncharacteristically sullen.

“Yeah,” Seulgi murmurs. “She will be, at least.”

Seulgi’s not just saying that; Yerim isn’t the type to stay angry or sad for very long. She’s too bright, too lovable by nature. The ugly things never stick to her.

Juhyun doesn’t say anything in response, but Seulgi can feel her nod. Her hand comes up to pat Seulgi’s head, then run her fingers through Seulgi’s hair, gentle. Seulgi shivers a little. It feels nice.

Seulgi is tired and hungry and her knee’s been giving her trouble lately, and yesterday she had a fight with Sooyoung over eyeliner that got so intense that Seungwan had to intervene. She hasn’t seen her mom in person in over a month, and she’s been having this recurring anxiety dream where she wakes up in an empty waiting room and everyone else has gone on stage without her.

But Juhyun is solid, comforting where Seulgi rests against her. She smells like bb cream and that shampoo she always brings with her when they travel, and her hands are soft.

“You’re doing a really good job,” Seulgi murmurs, words muffled by the hair that’s fallen into her face.

“A good job with what?” Juhyun laughs softly. She squeezes Seulgi’s hand.

“Just -,” Seulgi pauses to yawn, not bothering to cover up her mouth. “Like. Caring. You know?”

Juhyun squeezes again.

“You’re doing a good job too, Seulgi-yah,” she says, so quiet that Seulgi feels the words more than she hears them, Juhyun’s breath warm against the crown of her head.

She wakes up three hours later to a crick in her neck and Sooyoung taking blackmail pictures of her drooling. For a moment she thinks her conversation with Juhyun was a dream, but when Seulgi shifts to get up she realizes they’re still holding hands, Juhyun’s limp in Seulgi’s as she sleeps.

“Don’t wake her up,” Seulgi whispers to Sooyoung, moving much more carefully to sit all the way up.

Sooyoung’s wicked grin turns softer, then, and she helps Seulgi find a blanket to tuck around Juhyun’s shoulders. Seulgi has to fight back a bizarre urge to kiss Juhyun’s forehead like Juhyun’s a baby, or maybe a sleeping princess. Something stupid like that.

 

 

_now_

 

 

_Seulgi-yah, I miss you! Are you free to meet up for coffee this week? Unnie’s treat~_

For a brief, confused moment, Seulgi honestly wonders if Juhyun is psychic. If somehow, even after all this time, Juhyun could tell from across the city that Seulgi was thinking about her. They haven’t actually seen each other in almost a year, but it still seems possible. Seulgi’s heard of stranger things.

She responds immediately - _Unnie!!! I’m always free for you kekeke Is Thursday okay? ^^_ \- then stares at their conversation. The last message is from a month ago, Juhyun mentioning she heard Seulgi on the radio. Seulgi had thanked her, but hadn’t known what else to say.

Seulgi scrolls up a bit. There’s an exchange from three months ago, Juhyun telling her that Seungwan got engaged. Seulgi had joked that shouldn’t Ideal Housewife Bae Juhyun be the first to get married, and Juhyun hadn’t said anything in response. Seulgi’s pretty sure she knows why, and she’s pretty sure Juhyun was saving her from the discomfort of a topic Seulgi’s never shown any sign of wanting to address.

Juhyun is still taking care of her, even now. Seulgi wonders if she can ever pay it back.

 

 

_then_

 

 

They come off the stage flushed and trembling. Seulgi remembers a time when she felt an adrenaline high every time she performed, that rush filling her up and keeping her going. Now it’s mostly just exhausting, every stage draining a little more out of her. Some days she worries that soon there will be nothing left.

She looks around as they’re herded back into the dressing room, but she can only see three other glittery outfits.

“Juhyun-unnie?” Seulgi calls out, but there’s so much bustle backstage that her voice barely carries. She reaches out to grab Seungwan’s arm. “Where’s Juhyun?” she says again, making sure Seungwan can see her mouth, make out the words.

Seungwan looks around, then turns back to Seulgi and shrugs.

Seulgi keeps looking, eyes skipping past Sooyoung reaching for a water bottle, Yerim laughing with one of the coordi-unnies. She remembers a closed door just down the hall, and pulls away from the staff member trying to untangle her mic from the back of her pants.

“Sorry, sorry,” Seulgi murmurs. “I’ll be right back, just - ”

She trails off when the staff member (Jiyeon-unnie? Siyeon-unnie? She tries to keep them all straight, tries to be respectful, but there are so many - ) steps back, nodding and waving her forward. Seulgi nods her thanks, slipping back out the door and turning to hurry down the hall.

The doorknob twists easily under her hand when she reaches it. Seulgi pushes it open just a crack.

“Juhyun-unnie? Are you in there?” Seulgi calls through the space, pressing her cheek against the cool metal of the door.

There’s no response, but she can hear - something. Someone breathing, maybe, or crying.

Seulgi eases the door all the way open, steps inside.

The first thing she notices is that the room is dark, most of the light coming from where she’s holding open the door. She squints, trying to adjust her vision, and finds herself staring right at Juhyun.

Juhyun, who’s standing in the corner, leaning against the wall, bent over her knees like she tried to squat down and only made it halfway. Her hands are pressed to her eyes. Seulgi winces, imagining the state of her mascara underneath.

“Juhyun-unnie?” she says again, voice as soft as she can make it. Juhyun has to know Seulgi’s there; there’s no way she could have missed the rush of sound from the busy corridor outside. But she doesn’t move her hands, and she doesn’t say anything for a long, drawn out moment.

“Can you close the door,” Juhyun croaks out, finally, just as Seulgi’s about to give up and go get a manager.

Seulgi closes the door.

Juhyun looks ghoulish in the closet’s emergency lighting, the pale skin of her legs almost green.

“Is, um,” Seulgi falters, unsure what to say. Clears her throat and tries again. “Is everything okay?”

She regrets it as soon as she’s said it. Juhyun’s practically crying in a closet, obviously everything isn’t okay.

But Juhyun nods a little, taking a deep breath, then another. Her palms are still pressed against her eyes.

“Yeah,” Juhyun breathes. “Yeah, everything’s okay, I just. Hate this shit, you know?”

Seulgi doesn’t know.

“Hate this shit, like, performing?” she ventures, hesitant.

Juhyun pulls her hands away from her face, finally, just so she can level Seulgi with an unimpressed stare. Her makeup really does look awful.

She gestures towards her own body. Bare legs underneath a short, tight glittery dress. Feet in a pair of heels that Seulgi knows from intimate personal experience are probably killing her toes.

“I just,” Juhyun breathes again, visibly trying to calm herself down. “Don’t want to wake up tomorrow to fancams of my ass. I don’t think that’s too much to ask, do you?”

Seulgi shakes her head. She’s never seen Juhyun like this before. Sure, she’s cried in front of Seulgi, because she was exhausted or hungry or, when they were trainees, because she was sad and she wanted to see her mom. But Seulgi’s never seen Juhyun so close to really losing it.

Seulgi feels incredibly inadequate, her face warm with discomfort. She shifts awkwardly, feeling the doorknob dig into the small of her back.

“Unnie…” she trails off, unsure. What is there to say? Irene wore the dress. There were cameras. It’s possible that someone took pictures up her dress, or maybe got it on video. Neither of them can control what’s already happened. Seulgi is very uncomfortably aware that she's the one who always gets picked to wear pants.

“Wait here,” she says, finally. “Just. Wait right here, okay?”

She pushes back out through the door, jogs back down the hallway. Ducks into the dressing room, towards the back where they’d all left their bags. Seulgi digs through hers until she finds what she’s looking for, balls the silky fabric up in her hand.

“Unnie?” Yerim calls from across the room. “Where were you? Is Juhyun-unnie okay?”

Seulgi startles, like she’s been caught doing something wrong.

“We’re fine!” she calls back. “Just taking a quick break, we’ll be right back!”

She looks over to meet Yerim’s gaze, pasting a fake smile on her face and trying to project a sense of togetherness that she absolutely does not feel. It must work, because after a moment Yerim nods.

“Don’t take too long,” one of the manager unnies comments mildly. “We’re leaving soon.”

Seulgi nods tightly on her way back out the door, throwing her a thumbs up for good measure, then hustles back towards the closet. Back towards Juhyun.

“Here,” she says breathlessly, holding out her hands as she bursts back in through the door. Juhyun looks up sharply, startled. When she doesn’t immediately accept them, Seulgi thrusts the pair of track pants towards Juhyun more forcefully.

“Put them on, come on,” Seulgi urges her. “Hurry up.”

The pants are hideous, shiny purple with yellow stripes down the sides. They’re not particularly clean. Seulgi had worn them to practice in last night, stuffed them in her bag afterwards and forgotten to take them out this morning. Juhyun holds them in her hands for a moment, staring blankly, then nods, sharp. Puts one hand against the wall to keep her balance as she steps into them, one foot at a time.

She looks ridiculous once she gets them all the way on, waistband tucked up underneath the hem of her dress. It’s a miracle she even managed to get the pant legs over her shoes without getting them caught and now they’re flapping at her ankles, too short for her high heels. Juhyun looks down at herself, wrinkling her nose, and Seulgi giggles.

“Looking good, unnie,” she says, giving her a thumbs up and, when Juhyun meets her eyes, a cheesy wink. Seulgi holds out her arm, like they’re at a gala and she’s Juhyun’s suitor. “Shall we?”

“After you,” Juhyun says gravely, the quirk of her mouth giving her away. She puts her cool hand on Seulgi’s arm, and Seulgi tries not to shiver.

“Let’s blow this popsicle stand,” she says instead, and leads Juhyun back down the hall.

Yerim and Sooyoung shriek when they see Juhyun’s ensemble, and Seungwan shakes her head like she can’t believe it. But Juhyun just keeps her chin held high, as regal and beautiful as ever, even with her splotchy cheeks and ruined mascara. Even in yesterday’s sweaty track pants. If it weren’t for her tight, trembling grip on Seulgi’s arm, Seulgi wouldn’t believe she was affected at all.

 

 

_now_

 

 

The cafe Juhyun picks suits her perfectly; it's modern and tasteful but the seats are comfortable, the air warm. It’s nice to see Juhyun again, comforting in a way Seulgi’s missed. She has plenty of friends, people she laughs and drinks and even cries with, sometimes, but they didn’t grow up with her the way Juhyun did.

“I’m not complaining, but… why did you message me? Like, why now?” Seulgi doesn’t want to ruin the easy mood, but she can’t keep herself from asking.

Juhyun doesn’t say anything at first, but the silence isn’t uncomfortable. They’ve known each other for a long time.

“Do you remember when we learned that dance together, with the chairs? When we were trainees?” she says, finally.

“Of course I do,” Seulgi says. Like she could forget it.

“That was when I really thought, _this is real_ , you know?” Juhyun says. “And it was with you.”

Seulgi feels her cheeks getting warm. It’s funny: she lived with Juhyun for years and years. She’s watched Juhyun clip her toenails. She’s seen Juhyun braless and greasy, sick with food poisoning and two days overdue for a shower.

She’s seen Juhyun at her absolute worst, physically and mentally, but somehow Seulgi’s still starstruck, sitting across from her. It’s hard to look at her directly. Maybe Seulgi had just built up an immunity, before, and now that it’s been so long since they’ve seen each other that she’s lost it.

“I know what you mean,” she says, persevering through her humiliation. “I think.”

Juhyun laughs into her americano, one eyebrow quirking upward.

“You _think_?” she teases, setting the cup back onto the wooden table and leaning back in her chair.

 

 

_then_

 

 

When they find out the comeback song, Seulgi locks herself in the bathroom for thirty minutes. She doesn’t cry but it’s a close thing, and she has to take deep gulping breaths to try to ease the churning of her stomach.

Seulgi sits there, marinating in frustration, fighting an anger she doesn’t really understand, until she hears footsteps coming down the hall, then a hesitant knock on the door.

“Seulgi-yah? Everything alright in there?” Juhyun’s voice filters through the wood.

Seulgi tries to keep as quiet as she can, like maybe if she stays absolutely silent, Juhyun will give up and go away and Seulgi won’t have to explain why she’s hiding on the toilet.

“C’mon, Seulgi, I know you’re in there. Just let me in and we can talk, okay?”

That strategy didn’t hold, so -

“I can’t talk, I’m pooping!” Seulgi calls out, then claps her hands over her mouth, her entire face flushing bright red.

There’s a horrible pause, and then -

“Then I’ll just wait out here for you, okay?”

Seulgi grimaces, pressing the backs of her hands to her cheeks to try to calm herself down, get her face presentable.

It’s just.

It had made her feel special, when she was a trainee, learning the chair dance with Juhyun. Being chosen to perform it, to be filmed performing it. It made her feel like she and Juhyun were important. Like they were a team, just the two of them.

It feels selfish, now, that she doesn’t want to share it with the rest of the group. As much as Seulgi loves Seungwan and Sooyoung, she wants to keep this one for herself. Herself and Juhyun.

Seulgi sighs, standing up. Walks over to unlock the door, even though she’d rather do almost anything else.

Juhyun’s on the other side, looking sympathetic, which almost makes it worse. Seulgi wants Juhyun to tell her to snap out of it. To tell Seulgi to stop being such a baby.

“Seulgi-yah,” Juhyun says, voice unbearably soft. “Come here.”

Neither of them are huggers, not really. Juhyun cuddles with Sooyoung, because she’s the youngest and she’s spoiled rotten. Seulgi jumps on the other members, sometimes, or squeezes them as tightly and as quickly as she can, just to be annoying. But she doesn’t hug them, not like this. Juhyun tucks Seulgi’s face into the crook of her neck, arms keeping her safe and close.

Seulgi wasn’t crying before, but she can’t help it now.

“I wanted it to be special,” she chokes out. “I don’t want to share it.”

_I don’t want to share you_ , she doesn’t say, but she thinks maybe Juhyun hears it anyway, because she squeezes Seulgi even tighter.

 

 

_now_

 

 

“Did you know the whole time?” Seulgi asks, finally. She can’t bear it anymore, not knowing. “About me?”

“I knew about me,” Juhyun corrects her. “And I hoped about you.”

Juhyun’s smile is soft and a little uncertain, like she really doesn’t know how Seulgi feels. Like maybe it’s not completely obvious that Seulgi’s been gazing at her the whole time they’ve been at the cafe. That Seulgi was gazing at Juhyun the whole time she worked with her, maybe even the whole time she's known her.

Seulgi tries to swallow but it sticks, her mouth dry. Her heart is beating out a fluttering rhythm in her chest, something delicate and quick.

“I didn’t know,” she says, finally. “For a long time, I didn’t know.”

“You do now though, right?”

“I know about me,” Seulgi says. All the blood in her body is currently pulsing in her head, pounding in her ears and flushing her cheeks bright red. “And I’m hoping about you.”

Juhyun’s smile isn’t the one that made her famous, pretty and perfect and symmetrical, eyes wide and blank. It’s wide and it’s a little goofy and it makes her eyes small. Her nose is all scrunched up. Seulgi thinks maybe she’s loved her for years.

“I think maybe I’ve loved you for years,” she says, the truth spilling out of her in a brutal tumble.

Juhyun’s smile gets even wider. Her laugh is delighted; delightful. Seulgi’s delirious with it. She wants to spend her whole life making Juhyun laugh.

“Wow, you really don’t hold back, do you?”

“I mean it!” Seulgi laughs. “I’m sorry it took me so long, but I really mean it.”

“I know you do, Seulgi-yah,” Juhyun says, more serious this time.

“You can be my gay guru, unnie,” Seulgi teases. She’s giddy and maybe a little hysterical, lighter than she’s felt in years.

Juhyun snorts, looking skeptical.

“I don’t know about that,” she says. “But I can definitely be your something, if you want.”

Seulgi’s smiling so wide her cheeks are starting to ache.

“I want,” she says. “I definitely want.”

Juhyun’s hand is just as soft as Seulgi remembered, when she reaches across the table to grasp it; her smile is even sweeter.

"So." Seulgi rests her chin on her other palm, elbow on the table. The picture of innocence. "Are you gonna offer me ramen before I go, or what?" 

 

 

_and also_

 

 

Juhyun's apartment is clean and modern. It smells like fresh laundry, and those candles that have pictures of forests on the front. 

"Whoa," Seulgi marvels, looking around at the open white space. There's a huge leather couch, across from a TV screen that takes up almost the entire wall. Seulgi stares meaningfully at the couch, then turns to waggle her eyebrows at Juhyun. "Is this where you bring all the girls?"

Juhyun laughs, scornful as always towards Seulgi's antics, but she blushes a little bit too. Interesting. Seulgi tangles her hands in the handle of her purse to keep herself from pinching Juhyun's cheeks, right where they're turning pink.

"No other girls," Juhyun says, finally. "Just you."

It's Seulgi's turn to blush, this time. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> bigbigbig thank you to everyone who left kudos or a comment on the first part of this story, i really loved writing this so i hope it lives up to your expectations ;;
> 
> i wanted to keep the title from the same song but ended up liking this line from [team](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2JuxM-snGc) better, so c'est la vie i suppose


End file.
